Monday, 11 March 2013


1:30am I woke to Connor running around the house like a lunatic. When I'd fallen asleep at 10pm all had been quiet and peaceful and Andrew was watching a movie. Now Andrew was about to kill Connor who'd been up for some time apparently.

It's now 2:30am and I'm also about to kill said child who despite a clean nappy, melatonin, cuddles, threats and offers of milk is thrashing around the bed having a tantrum and threatening to vomit. As I mentioned, he's deteriorated back to this every night again for the past week. I was sympathetic at first but by now both Andrew and I are out of juice and desperate for some decent sleep. Surely Connor has to be too, I don't know how he keeps up this pace. It feels too late to break out Phenergan and besides we don't want to rely on that too much.

It's no wonder I can't string together two words during the day, the sink is full of dishes and I have laundry piled up like mountains around my bed. After night after night of this I turn into the walking dead by day (and poor Andrew is no better and he has to go to work). Of course it's my own fault, I wrote that stupidly optimistic post just over a week ago. I should have known better. *sigh*

What's worse is how depressed I get at times like these. Everything just gets so overwhelming. It feels like I am so alone and everything is in an endless futile circle. Of course I'm not, Andrew is here swimming upstream with me and that makes me lucky. There are a lot of couples who don't stay together through this kind of pressure. When everyone else has disappeared we have been able to keep getting stronger. It takes a lot of hard work and we are using the counseling services available to us to help work things through, and it's totally worth it.

Time to go, Connor is semi calm again. He's back to the 15min of quiet broken by some thrashing and wailing cycle again. Based on past experience this will most likely go for a few more hours yet before he passes out in time for Merryn to wake up.


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